THREADS OF LOVE
by Raymond C. Jensen
V
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| Ray, Barbara, Priscilla, Muriel, Russell |
Muriel is Priscilla and Dick's sister, and was married to Russell Wood in June 1943. By 1952, they had four children, we had six, and Connie and Dick three. At that time Muriel and Russ lived in Luverne, MN., where Russ served as Pastor of the First Baptist Church. In August 1952, they invited both of our families to Luverne to spend the weekend with them. The trip sounded like great fun. Unfortunately, our daughter Barbara had been exposed to the chicken pox and we were unwilling to take the chance of her passing it on to her cousins. However, when Priscilla's mother offered to take care of Barbara, we decided to go.
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| back: Russ, Connie, Ray front: Muriel, Dick, Priscilla |
I'm not sure if our two families arrived in Luverne at the same time. Nor do I remember if we left on Friday night or Saturday morning. I do know that Muriel and Russ received us with their usual warm welcome and that the children were glad to see their cousins again.
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| So many children |
On Saturday evening we decided to give the children their supper first. With twelve children ranging in age from four months to eight years, it seemed to be a prudent thing to do. We reasoned that if we gave them their supper and then put them to bed, the six of us would be able to spend an uninterrupted evening together. I seem to remember that the children bedded down on the floor (as if they were camping). At any rate, after they had fallen asleep we were finally able to sit down at the table and enjoy the chow mien dinner that Muriel and Russ had provided. As we ate, we caught up on the various things that were happening in each other’s’ lives. It was good to be together, but little did we realize the circumstances under which we would meet again.
Because the next day was Sunday, we all got up early enough to have breakfast and get ready for Sunday School and Church. This was a busy day for Russell and his family. As Pastor, he not only preached and led the morning service, but taught Sunday School as well. I think he also sang in the choir and had the responsibility of opening and closing the church. As the Pastor's wife, Muriel was also involved in the work of the church. She was gifted in many areas and was always willing to use her talents whenever they were needed.
At the close of the service, we went back to their house for dinner and then prepared for our trip home. I think Connie and Dick left before we did. They were on their vacation and headed for Iowa in order to visit friends.
After saying our goodbyes, Priscilla, the children and I left for home in our 1950 Ford station wagon. We had enjoyed Muriel and Russell's hospitality and looked forward to their coming to Minneapolis on their next vacation.
VI
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| Richard, Paul, Jeanne, Doug, Connie on March 9, 1952 |
In the meantime, the doctor examined Connie. His diagnosis was unexpected and a shock! Connie had contracted polio! Dick's first question was, "Aren't you going to put her in the hospital?" The doctor's reply was that they couldn't put everyone with polio in the hospital. His statement seemed to imply that because of the large number of polio cases, only the more critical ones could be admitted into the hospital.
When Dick and Connie returned to our house, Connie stayed in the car. She thought she might be contagious and was fearful lest one of us come down with what she had. We should have suspected that something was wrong when Dick came into the house without Connie. The thought that she might have polio never entered our minds. I think we just weren't that aware of how prevalent the disease had become. When Dick told us the distressing news, we became deeply concerned for Connie's welfare as well as that of her family. We were consoled only by the fact that she was going home and not to the hospital.
As our two families sat down to eat, Priscilla fixed a tray of food and took it out to Connie so she could eat in the car. As soon as we finished our dinner Connie and Dick left for home with their three children. Our prayers were with them and our hope was that the polio would progress no further.
Wednesday morning Connie discovered that she could no longer touch her chin to her chest. (I think that this was one of the signs that the doctor had told them to look for.) When they informed the doctor of this new turn of events, he told Dick that he would arrange for an ambulance to take Connie to General Hospital. In the meantime, Dick arranged for his mother to come over and stay with the children. When the ambulance arrived around noon, Connie said her goodbyes to the children, and Dick escorted her out to the ambulance. As much as he wanted to go with Connie, he knew that it would be best if he drove his own car to the hospital so he'd be able to get back to the children that night. On the way he made a short stop at the church to tend to some business and then proceeded to the hospital. After donning the mask and robe that the nurse provided, he entered Connie's tiny room and found her upset because he hadn't come sooner. I'm sure that by that time she had become apprehensive about her condition. In retrospect, Dick feels that Connie was more knowledgeable about the dangers of polio than he was. As I look back, I realize that this was true of myself as well. I think that we were both just too busy to pay much attention to the news reports regarding the polio epidemic.
As the afternoon drew to a close, both Connie and Dick realized that he'd soon have to leave in order to be with the children. Before leaving for home, Dick asked Connie to give him a smile. Her response was that he'd have to be satisfied with only half a smile. In spite of the fact that paralysis had begun, she retained her sense of humor!
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| Minneapolis General Hospital |
As Dick left the hospital, the nurses didn't seem particularly alarmed about Connie's condition. Nor did they indicate that she might take a turn for the worse. Dick was confident that she was in good hands and that he'd be able to see her first thing in the morning before going to work.
That night, after getting the children settled into their beds, Dick plugged the kitchen phone into the jack that was in his bedroom. He wanted to be sure that he'd hear the telephone ring in case the hospital called during the night. He had already arranged for his mother to come over early the next morning to be with the children. Then, satisfied that he had taken all the necessary precautions, he went to bed and fell into a much-needed sleep.
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| Priscilla's Club |
On that very same night Priscilla had gone to her monthly club meeting. “Club” consisted of seven women who met together on a regular basis ever since they were seniors in high school. As usual, they enjoyed each other’s' company, and by the time Priscilla got home from her club meeting, she was too wide awake to go to bed. Instead, she decided to catch up on her weekly ironing. By one a.m. she finally felt tired enough to go to sleep.
At 3:30 a.m. Priscilla woke up out of a sound sleep feeling an overwhelming need to pray for Connie's peace of mind. Around 5:30 a.m. Priscilla's burden was lifted, and she was able to fall asleep again.
VII
Thursday morning began like any other morning: the older children preparing for school, me getting ready for work, and not to be outdone, our three younger ones vying for their mother's attention. Suddenly, in the midst of our busy routine, the telephone rang. Priscilla picked up the phone first and heard her mother crying. "Mother what's wrong?" Still crying and with great difficulty, her mother managed to utter the words, "Connie's gone!" At first disbelief... How could this happen to one so young? Then, as the shock of Connie's death gave way to reality, Priscilla's first thoughts were for her brother. "Does Richard know," she asked? Still sobbing, her mother replied, "He doesn't know yet! The hospital called just after he left the house to go see Connie. They've been trying to reach him ever since four this morning." Priscilla's response was immediate "He can't be down there alone. We've got to go be with him!"
Fortunately, Grandma Libby was already up. After quickly explaining the situation to her, we asked if we could leave the children in her care. Without a moment’s hesitation she said, "Yes," and after a hasty farewell, we sped toward the hospital hoping somehow to get there before Richard. On the way I wondered what I could do or say to console him. As a child, I had never experienced a death in our family or even gone to a funeral. As a result, I felt woefully inadequate in dealing with the grief of another.
When we got to the hospital, we dashed into the lobby half expecting Richard to be there. Not seeing him, we inquired at the desk and learned that he hadn't arrived yet. As we stood there talking to the nurse, Richard walked into the lobby whistling as he often did. When he spotted us he was surprised by our presence and said, "Hi! What are you doing here?" Impulsively Priscilla blurted out the words, "Oh, Richard, you don't know!" "Know what," he asked? Half crying, Priscilla said, "Connie's gone!" Shocked and in disbelief Richard exclaimed, "What!" Priscilla responded with, "She died at 7:00 this morning." Somehow her words seemed premature. I wished they could have been softened, but knew that there was no other way.
For Richard to have arrived at the hospital expecting to see the one he loved, only to learn that she had died while he was on his way must have been almost more than he could bear. He felt guilty for not having stayed with Connie all night and, in addition to his personal loss, was deeply burdened for his three motherless children. I desperately wanted to be able to console him but didn't know how. At that moment God alone could fully understand and sustain him in his deepest need.
After being summoned by the nurse, the attending physician came out to see Richard. He explained that Connie had died at seven a.m. as a result of the paralysis reaching the center of the brain. Also, that at four a.m. her temperature had shot up and she had become very apprehensive. When Priscilla asked the doctor if she was apprehensive when she died, he replied, "The strangest thing happened. At five thirty a.m. she became calm again." Amazingly so, the time frame in which Connie felt the greatest distress was almost identical to the period in which Priscilla had prayed for Connie's peace of mind!
Because it was getting late, I had to leave for work. Priscilla insisted that Richard was in no condition to drive, so she said that she would drive him home in his car. On the way to Richard's house he asked her to stop at the church. When they got there Richard went into the sanctuary to pray. Priscilla went into the church office. She wanted to see Richard's pastor so she could explain what had happened at the hospital. As soon as the pastor heard about Connie's death he immediately went into the sanctuary to be with Richard and share in his grief.
After leaving the church, Priscilla and her brother drove home where their mother and great-aunt Ola were awaiting their arrival. Richard's mother had become so distraught by the news of Connie's death that she had called her Aunt Ola to come over to Richard's house to be with her and the children. I can only imagine what his mother must have gone through as she waited. Hearing about Connie's death in such a traumatic way must have left her in a state of deep emotional turmoil over the welfare of her son and her grandchildren. I'm sure that having Aunt Ola with her and the children was the calming influence that she needed at just that time.
Coming home to his mother must have been an intensely emotional time for both of them. But after the hugs and tears, I'm sure that Richard's first priority was to tell the children the news of their mother's death. Because he wanted to be alone with his children, he took them out into the backyard so he could explain what had happened. The task must have been difficult enough in itself, but to explain the loss of their mother, to three small children under the age of six, had to have been a heart-wrenching experience. Upon hearing the news, their daughter Jeanne, the oldest of the three, said to her daddy, "Now you'll have to get married again."
VIII
I'm not sure whose idea it was, perhaps she even volunteered. Anyway, it was decided that Richard's great aunt Ola would come to his house and help out with things until after the funeral. Aunt Ora Ola was one of Grandpa Libby's widowed sisters, and when I first met her I was impressed by her self-assurance. She was the kind of person who could go into anybody's home, look things over, and be ready for almost any eventuality. Aunt Ola was probably in her mid-sixties, and while small in stature, was more than capable to step in and take charge in a crisis. I'm sure that during those difficult days Richard deeply appreciated Aunt Ola's helping hand.
On Sunday morning, immediately after their church service, Muriel and Russ left Luverne and drove to Minneapolis to be with the family. When they arrived at Richard's house, Muriel asked her brother how he was doing. He responded with a hug and said, "Things are going to be all right, Sis!"
Later that afternoon everyone was sitting out in the backyard just talking. Out of a clear blue sky, Richard's father said, "You just wait... They'll lick this one (meaning polio) just like they did all the others!" I believe that in his own way he was trying to offer some words of encouragement in the face of the tragedy. Like so many men, he found it difficult to express his deepest feelings, and I believe that for him, this was especially true in the loss of his daughter-in-law Connie.
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| Bethany Lutheran Church on a happier day |
The funeral was to be held on Monday September 13th at the Bethany Lutheran Church on Franklin and Twenty-Fifth Avenue South. This was the church that Connie had attended since childhood, and the one where they were married. Richard had become a member of that church after returning from the service.
For some reason, Richard didn't feel right about taking his children to the funeral. Instead, he took them to the mortuary on the night of the visitation so they could see their mother for the last time. (One of the Club girls, Berdine, offered to stay with Richard's children on Monday during the funeral).
Strangely enough, I remember very little about the funeral, with one exception. Before the service began, family and friends went up to the front of the sanctuary to pause at the open coffin and pay their respects. When Richard went up... the memory is still vivid... he fell to his knees in front of the coffin and for a few moments appeared to be totally lost in his grief. Once again, I felt helpless, unable to ease his pain.
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| Connie's grave at Oak Hill Cemetery, Minneapolis |
Interment took place at the Oak Hill Cemetery, located at Fifty-Ninth Street and Lyndale Avenue South. After the committal, the Pastor announced that all were invited to the home of Richard's parents for a time of fellowship. It was during this time that Priscilla and I approached Richard with an idea that had come to both of us at virtually the same time. Priscilla broached the subject thus: "Richard, we know you're not ready to think about this now, but we want to tell you now so that when you are ready, you'll remember this. If you are willing to sell your small house and buy a larger one, we'll move in with you and help take care of the children." I don't remember that Richard responded in words... nor did we expect him to. His hug and tears of gratitude said all that was needed.
Later that afternoon, Richard and Russell took the children to the cemetery so they could see their mother's grave. On Tuesday, Muriel helped Richard go through all the sympathy cards. He wanted to make sure that he acknowledged all the gifts and condolences that people had sent. The following day Muriel and Russ had to leave for home, and after tearful goodbyes, made their way back to Luverne.
IX
I’m not sure when Richard returned to work, but in order to do so, he had to arrange for someone to care for his children. Finding someone who loved children and was willing to work the necessary hours was more difficult than he anticipated. In a relatively short period of time he tried at least two housekeepers, but learned that they did very little other than keeping the children from fighting. The combination of Richard’s loneliness and not being able to find suitable help for his children must have been terribly discouraging. He remembers that on one occasion, in a moment of utter frustration, he put his fist through a sheet rock wall. Unfortunately, we didn’t realize how bad things had become. From outward appearances he seemed to be doing well, in spite of the circumstances.
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| Jeanne, Doug, Grandma Helland (Connie's paternal grandmother), Dick, Paul |
By mid-October, Richard realized that hiring someone to take care of his children wasn't the answer. Instead, he began to bring them over to our house every morning on his way to work. Because Jeanne had been enrolled in a St. Louis Park school, arrangements were made for her to attend first grade at Irving school instead. We were pleased to learn that her teacher was going to be Mrs. Marsh. Our daughter Barbara had had her when she was in first grade and we knew her to be a caring and understanding person.
Sometime in the month of November Richard called and said he was ready to take us up on our offer. I'm not sure when the three of us began to look for a larger house, but first we wanted to make sure that Grandma Libby would have a place to live. We knew that in order to rent out our downstairs apartment, we'd have to include her room with the rental. Because of this, we decided to talk to her son, Uncle Jim, to ask if Grandma could move into his basement apartment. His answer was "yes." Needless to say, we were relieved to know that Grandma Libby would be taken care of.
As we talked to Uncle Jim about our plans to move into a larger house, he advised Richard not to settle for the first deal that came along. As a business man, he knew that making a hasty decision could cause regrets later. But contrary to Uncle Jim's advice, we fell in love with the first and only house we looked at. Amazingly so, it met every one of our needs. The house was located at 2812 Humboldt Avenue South. in a well-kept area near schools and less than a mile from both Lake Calhoun and Lake of the Isles. The first floor included a front porch, a large L-shaped living room with a fireplace, dining room, kitchen, butler's pantry and back hall. On second floor there were four bedrooms and a bath. The third floor, which had originally been used as servant's quarters, consisted of two bedrooms and a sitting area. The owners, Mr. & Mrs. Theihl, had been unsuccessful in finding a buyer for such a large home and were willing to sell on a contract-for-deed. Everything seemed to be falling into place, especially after Richard found a buyer for his house in St. Louis Park. In addition to this, Priscilla and I learned that a sister of one of the Club Girls was interested in renting our lower duplex beginning the first of the year.
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| 2812 Humboldt |
I don't remember when the closing on the two houses took place, but do know that Richard planned on moving into his new home on December 15th. Until that time the two of us went over every evening after work in order to paint the third floor bedrooms. Because the kitchen wasn't large enough to seat our extended family, we asked my father, who was a carpenter, if he'd be able to remove the walls between the large butler's pantry, back hall and kitchen. His answer was affirmative, and by the time Richard moved in, my father had added enough space so there was ample room for a large kitchen table and chairs. In addition to this, Richard bought and installed new cupboards, all of which made our kitchen even more workable.
With the necessary work completed at our new home, our thoughts turned to Christmas. As usual, Priscilla and I had perused the Christmas catalogues and ordered gifts for our children. Traditionally, we celebrated on both Christmas Eve (at my parents') and Christmas Day (at Priscilla's parents'). I think that it was on Christmas Day that Richard gave my father a beautiful wool shirt in appreciation for the remodeling he had done in the kitchen. I seem to remember that Richard was particularly extravagant in his gift-giving that year, almost as if he was trying somehow to make up for Connie's absence. Of course, we all knew that Christmas couldn't be the same without her, but I believe that for the children's sake, he wanted to make the holidays as joyful as possible. One of the gifts he gave was a teddy bear for our son, Todd, who was 9 mo. old at the time. (Todd still has the bear to this day and displays it in a prominent place in his home.)
New Year's Eve day was my 34th birthday... also the day we were to move into our new home. With the exception of the heavy items such as a large upright freezer, we planned on moving everything else in our station wagon. On the eve of my birthday, after having made numerous trips to our new location, we were finally ready for our last load. As our son, Scott (21 mos. old) saw his crib being dismantled, he began to cry. In the hubbub of moving, I don't think we had taken time to explain why we were moving his crib out of the house at such a late hour. By the time we had loaded his crib and the other remaining items into the space behind the second seat, our load had become precariously high. After making a mental note of this, we gathered our children into the front and middle seats, said goodbye to the house on Bloomington Avenue, and headed west on 28th Street toward our new home.
As I approached Lyndale Avenue, the signal light was green, but just before we reached the intersection, it turned amber. Under normal circumstances I would have made a sudden stop. But because I was afraid that the things in the back of our car might fly over the seat and injure the children, I continued through the crossing. About half way into the next block I saw the flashing red light of a patrol car in my rear-view mirror. Instantly I knew it was for me, and got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Getting a ticket on that night of all nights was the last thing I needed! As soon as I could pull over to the curb, I jumped out of my car and met the officer half way. Without even waiting for him to say anything, I explained that our family was moving and that I was afraid the children might have gotten hurt if I had made too quick a stop. I don't remember how he responded to my explanation, but recall that he walked over to the car and carefully looked inside as if to verify my story. Then, instead of writing a ticket, he told me to be more careful in the future. Needless to say, I breathed a giant sigh of relief.
It must have been at least 10:30 p.m. by the time we unloaded the car. The children were very tired and so were we. Our first priority was to get the younger children settled into their beds, but Scott never slept in his crib again. Instead, he graduated into a bunk bed like his older brothers, and Todd became the new owner of the crib. After the last of our six children had fallen asleep, Priscilla and I finally retired to our own bedroom. We were thankful that the next day was New Year's Day and that we'd be able to just relax after a hectic day of moving.
X
While living in a large house certainly had its advantages, the very fact that it was so big sometimes made it difficult for the children to hear us when we called them. Because of this, Priscilla came up with the novel idea of using a police whistle to get their attention at mealtime. Two blasts on the whistle meant that everyone was to wash their hands in preparation for dinner. Because there was only one bathroom, the presence of a child's-size wash basin in the hall off the kitchen helped not only to speed up the process, but made it easier for the younger ones to wash their own hands. Five minutes later, the sound of a single whistle meant that dinner was ready and everyone was to come to the table. The system worked well, but out of necessity, dinner couldn't be served until at least Dick or I had come home from work. It was important that two adults be present at the table in order to help pass the food and feed the younger children. As a rule, both of us were home on time but on occasion when one or the other was delayed, dinner would go on anyway.
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| The Jensen and Lohman kids mesmorized by Grandma's television in 1951 Steven J., Mark J., Jeanne L., Barbara J., Grant J., Paul L., Doug L., with Scott J. in front |
Jeanne, being the oldest of Dick's three children, was probably the hardest hit by the loss of her mother. She desperately missed her mother and found it difficult to accept what seemed to be her Aunt Priscilla's intrusion into her life. Many years later we learned that during the time our two families had lived together, Jeanne felt that her Aunt Priscilla was trying to take the place of her mother. Of course this wasn't the case, but for a little girl who was so suddenly left motherless, this was a perfectly natural assumption for her to make.
Soon after we moved in with Richard, the four oldest children were enrolled in Calhoun School. At the time, Barbara was nine, Mark seven, and Steven and Jeanne six. This left five boys at home ranging in age from nine months to almost four years. Of the five, three were still in diapers. Small wonder that Priscilla had her hands full! Nevertheless, she managed to accomplish the things that really needed to be done. The one exception was the weekly housecleaning. Fortunately, she had help with that. Priscilla and Dick's mother took time to come over once a week and thoroughly clean the house from top to bottom. In addition to this , she took home the laundry that Richard and his children had accumulated during the week. Then on her very next visit she'd return the laundry all freshly washed and ironed. As I look back I realize now more than ever that her desire to help was truly a matter of love. The work that she did must have been physically exhausting, but she never complained and continued to come over every week as long as she was needed.
The freezer that we moved from Bloomington Avenue to our new home had been ordered sometime during the month of October. I still remember the night that the freezer salesman came over to our house to give his sales pitch. Using charts and pictures, he proceeded to tell us how fresh frozen foods would retain their food value and therefore provide all the essential vitamins that a growing family would need for good health. He went on to say that not only would our food taste better, but by ordering large quantities at a time, we'd be able to save enough to pay for the freezer. After such a persuasive presentation we couldn't help but be sold on his product. Anyway, that very night we signed a contract for an upright freezer and a variety of frozen foods that were to start us on our way to good health.
In November, when Richard had let us know that he was ready to take us up on our offer, we realized that the freezer we had ordered would be inadequate to supply the needs of our two families. Fortunately, it hadn't been delivered yet, so we called our salesman and asked if we could exchange it for a larger model. He was more than happy to oblige and recommended a unit with an eighteen cubic foot capacity. Shortly after we signed a new contract, our new freezer arrived but without the food that we had ordered. Impatiently, we called to enquire about its whereabouts, and the salesman assured us that he would deliver it himself. When he showed up at our house, he was obviously disgruntled and as he unloaded the heavy cartons of frozen foods, he told us that his helper had suddenly quit, leaving him in a bind. At any rate, we were glad to finally have food in our new freezer and looked forward to the nutritious meals that would soon be ours to enjoy.
When we moved in with Richard we discovered that the freezer was too large for the kitchen and that it was impossible to get it into the basement. Fortunately, it fit into the northeast corner of the dining room, a good spot because it was accessible to the kitchen. Our new investment proved to be helpful in more than one way. Having an ample supply of meat, vegetables and bread on hand was convenient as well as time saving. Also, because we stored ice cream in our freezer, we three adults were able to have a treat every night before going to bed. I'm sure there was a monetary savings but doubt that we ever saved enough to pay for our freezer. However, because of it we were able to eat cuts of meat that we rarely felt free to buy before getting our freezer. In addition to this, it meant having access to fresh vegetables throughout the year. But as good as they were for our health, they never quite lived up to the salesman's mouth-watering description of how delicious they would taste. I especially remember the frozen squash, something that I had looked forward to with great anticipation. For some reason it turned out to be watery and had very little taste. As for the children, I'm sure they much preferred the whipped potatoes and gravy. Never-the-less, each child was given a small portion of fresh vegetables with their meals. All in all, we ate well, due in part to our freezer, but largely because of Priscilla's efforts in planning and preparing our evening meals.