Richard's Memoirs

Is this a great day or what?! We are sooo – grateful – for so much. We want to thank all of you for being here and sharing this day with us. This is a day of recollection and inclusion for all who have been part of our days.

We remember:

Warren, Char’s first husband, and Connie, my first wife, ...

...Jeffrey and Chuck, our two sons, ...

...all of whom have died and have been distinctive and special family members, as well as the so many others who have passed through our lives.

The fact does not go unnoticed that our sisters’ husbands have all moved on, and we miss them and wish that they could be here today. (And maybe they are.)

And Char………… I owe my life to this gracious lady. Without her I would literally not be here and alive this day, or rather more accurately, for many years in the past. She has put up with me this half century. And I am truly, duly grateful.

Without a doubt, having Chuck, and then taking on three more young children, along with a grieving husband, was quite a challenge to say the least. And probably rather foolish.

Yet, Char is the most gracious, selfless, pleasant person. And with all that she has experienced health-wise these past three years, one would never know, when you see her or visit with her, that anything was other than okay.

We have had our ups and downs, and through all of it, she has been there, for me and with me, for our children and with them as well. Char, you are quite a lady!

A little history (what I am going to say right now, many of you know):

Following the untimely and premature death of my first wife Connie in the fall of 1952, I had a visit from a young couple. The conversation, the content, and the subsequent results of that visit altered my life and that of our children in ways that I cannot fully describe. And we are all extremely indebted.

The visitors were my sister Priscilla and her husband Ray. Priscilla said to me, “If you find a house big enough for all of us, I will take care of Jeanne, Douglas, and Paul.” Well, as most of you know, Priscilla and Ray had six children of their own at the time. What an offer!! What generosity!! What an endowment!! And not many husbands would be so amiable to allow his wife to take on such an endeavor. Ray was quite a guy.

Priscilla, I have been, we all are, and will be forever appreciative. For, without any question, it was quite a challenge to keep house and a semblance of order for such a tribe. Plus, for you to prepare and serve meals to the twelve of us – nine of whom were under ten – was no small task.

There are many stories from those times. I am sure your children and ours can tell of some we have never heard before. They were trying times, but good times as well. That is part of our history – or should I say her-story. Grateful, grateful, I am, are we, for you.

And then, in the course of time, I was introduced to several young widows. In fact, during those days I began to visit “The House of the Merry Widows.” Char was one of that group. Mona (Hjortland Berg) Lund and Char lived together. We had many long, long conversations over the months. If we had time, we could share stories about our courtship, engagement, and marriage. But some other time.

For now, I have mixed feelings about being grateful that I have lived this long and that we have had these years. Because I can’t be grateful that Connie and Warren and Jeff and Chuck and all the others died prematurely before they had a chance at the full gift of life that God intends for everyone. However, I can say that since I have lived this long, I am grateful that there has been a presence – a spirit, the very gift of God, the Grace of God – with us throughout the varied steps we have been privileged to take. I am grateful that God – that the Spirit – walked with us during these many years.

From “The Works of the Chariot,” this quote: “When you take a step toward God, God takes more steps toward you than there are sands in the world of time.”

This is all gift – mystery, wonder, amazement – love and Grace leading us to gratitude. Our words of thanks are so inadequate in light of God’s amazing Grace.

I feel a hand holding my hand.

It’s not a hand you can see.

But on the road to the Promised Land,

This hand will shepherd me

Through delight and despair,

Holding tight and always there.

Grateful, grateful,

Truly grateful I am

Grateful, grateful,

Truly blessed, and duly grateful.

“Grateful” Words and Music by John Bucchino © 1996 John Bucchino

As for you, our children – Jeanne, Douglas, Paul, and David… A wise man once said: “There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of those is roots, the other is wings.” We hope and pray that we have done this. But not always as we should have or would have liked.  Because, as a parent, there are some things that I wish I had done differently. Yet, as one of them said so graciously, “Parents do the best they know how.” Paul commented on a book that he had read a few years ago, “Each of us must complete our own parenting.” Mom and I want you to know we believe that all of you children have done that very well and we are indeed very proud of each one of you. We are also very appreciative of Cathy and Pat, our daughters-in-law.

My sister Muriel prepared a lengthy memoir for her grandchildren. On the title page she had these words: “No day is over – if it leaves a memory.” Wow! Do we have a multitude of good days and good memories to relive.

To close, finally...

We were in Norway in 1976, on August 15^th, our 25^th anniversary. Driving through the countryside we came upon a stave church, all made out of wood and held together with wooden pegs. As we looked over the stone fence and viewed the cemetery that surrounded the church, one inscription caught my eye. There, with the name Betty, were these words:

“Du ware so god. Takk for alt.” Translated: “You were so good. Thank you for everything.”

I said then, “Takk for alt – that is what I want on my tombstone.” That, I will say to God.

But today, I say, “Char, you are so good! I love you. Takk for alt. Thank you – for everything.”